Lots of sports stuff...

-Obama’s stock just shot up some more. Hearing him bring up the completely inconsequential but totally awesome prospect of “throwing his weight around” to implement a college football playoff system made me happy. Every year the fans, the talking heads, the coaches, the players, the sports broadcasters, and anyone else involved in college football pine for a playoff, and really the only thing preventing it from happening is all the corporate money that’s tied up in the current archaic bowl system.

Right now we have a computer and a bunch of sportswriters and coaches that determine who the National Champion will be each year. This makes absolutely no sense. Pretty much every year, one or more major conference teams get screwed because they have 2 losses on their schedule or they aren’t a profitable enough team, and an undefeated mid-major conference school ends up playing in the Meineke Car Care Bowl or something when they should be competing for a National Championship.

The simple solution is to cut the season to 10 or 11 games for EVERY Division 1 school, let each of the 6 major conferences figure out their champion however they see fit (a conference championshp game, best record, etc), and then create an 8-team bracket of the conference champs plus two at-large bids from the mid-major conferences or independents.

It adds only one or two weeks to the schedule that takes place now, it still allows for a 2-week break for the students to take their fall semester finals, and it gives Notre Dame all the more incentive to join a goddamn conference already.

Aside from these games, they can keep all the meaningless bowls for the other schools. I don’t think the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl had all that much prestige to begin with.

-Speaking of college football, Rutgers actually has an outside chance of competing in a BCS bowl game this year, after starting their season out 1-5.  If a whole bunch of other shit happens (WVU loses twice, Pitt loses once—but not to WVU, Cincinnati loses twice—including to hapless Syracuse), Rutgers would be playing for a Big East championship against Louisville on a Thursday night on ESPN. The last time they played Louisville at home in a high-profile Thursday Night game on ESPN was 2 years ago in the infamous Pandemonium in Piscataway game that ended like this:

-Brock Lesnar of WWF fame just won the UFC Heavyweight Title, in the 3rd fight of his career, beating the 44-year old former champ Randy Couture. That’s the good news for him. The bad news is that if all goes according to plan, and former Pride FC champ (and current interim UFC champ) Rodrigo Antonio Noguiera beats Frank Mir like everyone thinks he will, he’ll be Brock’s next opponent.  Nog has never been knocked out or submitted in his 36 fights, and his only unavenged loss is to Fedor Emelianenko, who everyone fights later agrees isn’t human. Fedor is also looking to set up a match with Lesnar, which should scare him even more. I have a feeling this is going to be the shortest championship run in UFC history.

-The defending Super Bowl Champion NY Giants are 9-1 and it’s weird. I’ve never rooted for a team this good before. Every week, I prepare myself to see them somehow screw up, or for a major injury to halt their season, but so far (aside from a hiccup against the Browns), they’ve been pretty much unstoppable. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even sweat their games anymore, which is amazing because historically Giants games have probably taken a year or two off of my life. This week they host the Arizona Cardinals, and former Giant QB Kurt Warner, who helped prep Eli before Eli took his job here. I’m expecting Warner to be blitzed constantly and rolled over, before leaving the game somewhere in the 3rd quarter.

I’ve been trying to figure out exactly how I feel about the whole election and everything that’s taken place, since it’s omnipresent and I can’t help but feel something.  I have my reservations and doubts, and I haven’t been swept up in the Obama fever, but I do think he’s a pretty damn good candidate and I thank christ that McCain/Palin aren’t sitting in the Oval Office come January.

This little essay on the matter pretty much nails how I feel about it:

Why I Will Vote Voted for Barack Obama

By: Bernard Chazelle

If Clinton was a triangulator, then Obama is a tetrahedralizer, ie, he does it in 3D. Not even Dick Morris could get Ken “cakewalk” Adelman, Scott McClellan, Colin Powell, and will.i.am on his boss’s side. Obama owes his entry into national politics to Holy Joe, the patron saint of Big Insurance, yet “that one” excites throngs of admirers on his left. Why? Is it his promise to expand the war in Afghanistan? Or his plan to increase the size of the army by 90,000? Or his coddling of terrorists (yes, I mean the health insurance lobbyists)? Or is it his pro-wiretap vote? Or his pro-death penalty stand? Or his tax cuts for all but quarter-millionaires? Or his willful neglect of the poor, a class of subhumans unworthy of even a passing mention in his campaign?

Rarely has the word ‘change’ been so devoid of content. Obama’s agenda is Republicanism minus the insanity.

True, McCain offers his rival the advantage of running against a certified lunatic, a cranky coot even nuttier than Bush. With Joe Lieberman at State, John Bolton at DoD, and John Yoo in SupremeLand, every day of a McCain-Palin administration would be Halloween in America: Trick or Shriek…

So is that it? A pathetic Republican opposition with a titanic ability to spot an iceberg in the dark and smash right into it? If you thought you had terminal cancer and the doctor said it’s only pneumonia, you too might start screaming “Yes I Can.” But there’s more to it. Obamania is no pneumonia: it comes with genuine mass appeal. The Illinois senator seems a nice, decent, refreshingly sane individual with — never hurts — the perfect family. In fact, he may well be the most intelligent, thoughtful, nuanced, reflective president this country has ever had. (Not that, founding fathers aside, the competition is particularly stiff.) And the guy can write, too. The contrast with Bush is off the charts. Kind of nice to know that at the next G8 summit our president won’t be, as usual, the thickest numbskull in the room. (Berlusconi can now claim that title for himself.)

Like you, I find the prospect of a black president exhilarating. But this white man also finds the exhilaration tainted. “We enslaved you for 200 years, but, hey, no hard feelings, right?” The concept that white America could draw even an ounce of pride from choosing a charismatic mixed-race man over a crotchety nursing-home warrior is disturbing enough. But the Obama model of upward mobility hardly offers a realistic path for African-Americans, unless you think black babies ought to be raised by white families and kept away from the black community until their 20th birthday, while making sure they have no slaves in their ancestry. That said, Obama is an astonishing American success story. The US is still good at spotting talent, something it would have been easy to forget after these last 8 years.

But this miraculous story should not make us miss the forest for the trees. The reality is that racial segregation is back to the levels of the sixties and that black poverty has been on a steady increase for the past quarter-century. White Obamania is a cheap thrill, much cheaper than actually doing something about America’s blighted neighborhoods. Obama’s promise of a tax cut for everyone was code for “Fear not, white man, I won’t do a thing for the Hood.” We all got the message. Does a black president mean the problem can be solved or the problem has been solved? Glenn Loury isn’t the only one to worry about the answer. Plus, one can only savor the uncanny timing of a black presidency. By next summer no doubt the backlash will be in full swing. Cornel West:

“The empire is in decline, the culture is in decay, the democracy is in trouble, financial markets near collapse. It’s almost Biblical. And you can imagine what the black brothers and sisters in the barbershops and beauty salons say: ‘Right when the thing is about to go under, they hand it over to the black man.’”

Yes, but there is another side to the story. The enthusiasm in the black community for an Obama presidency is wide, heartfelt, and poignant. Symbols matter. So does pride. Sonny Stitt was driving with his buddies through a ritzy white neighborhood: “Man, these people have everything!” “No, they don’t,” replied Stitt. “They don’t have Charlie Parker.” The little black kid who gets suspicious looks from whites in the department store will perhaps remember who gets to fly Air Force One and, at that moment, draw strength from it. Maybe I am being naive, but it’s not for me to tell. Gary Younge:

My wife, who is African American, shared my reservations about Obama, but saw things differently. She remembers the thrill of being a young girl when the black Democrat Harold Washington was elected in her hometown, Chicago. She liked him because her parents liked him. She could see it was important, but she didn’t know why.

“My dad grew up being told a black person couldn’t be a pilot, and my son is growing up knowing that a black person can be president,” she said. “It’s not that racism is gone, it’s just that it’s not about the idea that all black people are excluded on the basis of their race from any part of society or any particular job. That was the racism my parents grew up with.”

This sentiment deserves respect. I’ll show mine today by voting for Barack Obama. I’ll try not to feel too good about it, for I’ve done nothing to deserve that feeling — I’ll try humility instead. And I’ll go on hoping, against all hope, that President Obama will make us a better people.

And if he loses… I’m taking the Statue of Liberty back to Paris.

— Bernard Chazelle

From Dead-Frog.com, a great collection of clips of stand-up comics who dare to risk boos by taunting their audience.

I’d add in George Carlin beginning his HBO special not by thanking the crowd or calling out their hometown or some other crowd-pleaser, but immediately jumping into his routine with this cutting line: (applause) “WHY?… (more applause)…..WHY? (applause dies down a little) Why is it that people who are against abortion are the ones you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?”

To open a show with such a divisive remark takes tremendous balls, and to expound on that thought for the next 10 minutes takes even bigger balls.

Making Fun of the Zebras isn’t Edgy

Filed Under Stand-Up Comedy

This is a guest post from Matt Ruby, a New York City comedian who blogs over at Sandpaper Suit. He is the cohost of “We’re All Friends Here,” the comedy chat show/podcast with boundary issues.

Why am I excited for an Obama presidency? Because it means I won’t have to sit in the back of another NYC alternative comedy show watching some 20-something white dude who dreams of being “the next Bill Hicks” spout off on how lame McCain and Palin (or Bush/Cheney before that) are.

Oh really, you mean you DON’T think Sarah Palin is smart? And you think she talks funny? And John McCain is old? Thanks for the news flash.

This is lame because:

• What’s the point of making fun of Republicans in the East Village? Everyone here already gets it and is on the same page.
• Stewart and Colbert have this beat covered pretty damn well. If you’re not bringing a fresh perspective, what’s the point?
• Who wants to hear a kid talk about politics anyway? Watching someone without life experience talk about politics is like listening to a virgin explain how to fuck.

I get that this guy wants to be “edgy.” But walking into a room and telling everyone there that what they already think is right is not edgy.

Edgy is telling audience members why something they think is wrong, or missing the point, or stupid. It’s presenting a new point of view, not just confirming preexisting ones. You wanna be edgy in a NYC alternative room packed with liberals? Make fun of NYC alternative/liberal crowds. (There’s plenty to mock on both sides of the fence.)

Some examples:

Greg Proops, in Houston, making fun of country music and the people who attacked the Dixie Chicks (audio). He also goes after “God is on our side” types and Rush Limbaugh in other parts of the set.

Bill Burr telling the entire city of Philadelphia why he thinks they’re a bunch of “stupid Philly cheese-eating fucking jackasses” (video).

Todd Barry, at a show in Cambridge, Boston, calling out a “narrow-minded fake liberal fuck” for stereotyping the south (audio, starts 1:29 in).

Paul F. Tompkins telling a UCB LA crowd why he hates the odd pets of “crazy hipster alternativo types” (audio).

Chris Rock, in his classic “Niggas vs. Black People” bit, telling a roomful of black people why he hates “niggas” (video, starts 10:18 in).

(Some of those are obviously edgier than others but you get the point.)

Bottom line: If you want to be edgy, don’t come into the lion’s den and make fun of the zebras. Come into the lion’s den and make fun of the lion. That takes real balls.

You can see “We’re All Friends Here” live tonight (Thursday, Oct. 30) at 8pm at The Slipper Room in NYC (show details).

What I did on my sick-cation

I’ve been pretty much bed-ridden for the last week with a nasty cold (possibly flu) that came in a bunch of waves. It sucked for the most part, but it’s not often I get to sit around and just do nothing for that long. Here’s some of the things I did:

-Watched The Price is Right for the first time probably since I had a sick day in high school. That used to be a staple of my sick days when I was a kid. Drew Carey is no Bob Barker. Also, he doesn’t seem to give a shit what you do to your pets’ genitals.

-Got to 3 out of the 6 bosses in Mega Man 9, but beat only one of them (Galaxy Man—who is supposedly the easiest one in the game. Dammit) That game is goddamn hard.

-Ate loads of homemade chicken noodle soup, courtesy of my girlfriend.

-Read about 417 magazines that were stockpiling in my room. I now know way more about the presidential candidates’ personal lives than I ever wanted to know.

-Realized that daytime TV still sucks just as much as it did 10 years ago

-Went through an entire box of tissues in one day

-Discovered the miracle drug that is Mucinex

-Bundled up in about 17 layers to go to the Rutgers game on Saturday.

I’m still knocking out the last of it, but I can finally imagine myself fully healthy, which I couldn’t do just a couple days ago. I haven’t been this sick for this long since I was probably 8 years old.

odd contradiction